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Never Fear Public Speaking Again!How I overcame the terrifying fear of standing and speaking to groups.These tips work. I know from having successfully used all of them. Methods are included to help anyone improve.
* Overcoming the fear of standing and speaking to a group of people is a tremendous confidence builder. * The ability to express our thoughts while on our feet is one of the greatest skills you, I or anyone can have. * The printed word has been highly cherished since recorded history, but it can't compare with the spoken word that includes facial expressions, hand gestures and other body language available to the speaker. * There are many resources available to help you become a confident speaker. Toastmasters is one of the best.
This site includes: How to Overcome Fear, Speaking Tips, About Toastmasters and a few words About MeTo navigate this site, click on the topics in the Blue Bar above. As time is available, I'll add the text of some of the speeches that I gave while learning to speak without fear and with confidence. All of my speeches are handwritten. My typing skills leave a lot to be desired so it takes time for me to update this site. How this all started.An incident at bible school when I was 13 caused me to be terrified of speaking before any group. During several attempts, I could say only a few words before the terror consumed my confidence and caused me to become emotional. This terror plagued me for 30 years before I decided to try and overcome the fear.Members of a professional club that I belonged to tried to persuade me to become the Chairperson. I refused two times out of fear, but felt that I could be a better Chairperson than those eventually selected. There were elections, but there wasn't any real competition. Any willing person got the responsibility. The third year that I was asked, I said yes. In this club, I served as Vice-chair for one year before becoming Chair so I had some time to prepare. It just so happened that I was talking to a supervisor at work about my speaking dilemma. He told me that his wife belonged to a club named "Toastmasters" and she improved her speaking ability at Toastmasters. I'd heard of Toastmasters, but the name made me think of a drinking club. Since I was very shy, being part of rowdy group of drinkers didn't appeal to me. That was my false impression of Toastmasters. Toastmasters is a wonderful organization. Joining Toastmasters is the best and most economical way that I'm aware of for improving our speaking ability. Many members of Toastmasters joined for the same reason that I did so they emphasize with people learning to speak in public. At my first Toastmasters meeting, there were eight to ten people there. I did know one person so I didn't feel like a total stranger. After three or four meetings, I agreed to give my first speech. Toastmasters call the first speech "The Ice Breaker". You talk about a topic that you are familiar with, "Yourself". I wrote two or three pages of facts about me and my life. I went into a room alone and stood before a full length mirror to practice. I also video taped myself. I was awful, but we have to start from where we are. After a few practice sessions, I gave the speech to my wife, Sammie. When the meeting day came, I felt ready. If you don't exaggerate when talking about yourself, it's not difficult to remember. If you forget to include something, that's OK because no one else knows that you forgot. There needs to be five or more people at a Toastmasters meeting so people won't have to double up on meeting responsibilities. The day that I was scheduled to speak there was only one other person at the meeting. We weren't skilled enough to conduct a proper meeting, but I gave my speech anyway. I had practiced and practiced so I didn't want to wait another week. Also, I was glad there was only one other person present. Important Tip for nervousness: Fear causes us to produce excess adrenalin. During the period while waiting to speak, we get nervous because of the excess adrenalin. This condition is also known as Stage Fright. A method of burning off the adrenalin is to perform isometric exercises. This can easily be done while seated at a table and no one will know. I learned the isometric technique from Mitzi Gaynor and I believe she learned it from Yul Brynner who pushed against a wall back stage before a performance. You don't have to push against a wall. It works just as well by tensing your muscles and pushing one hand against the other. Important Tip for Memory and Confidence: Initially I wrote or typed my speeches and took the whole speech to the lectrin. When I forgot what came next, that didn't work very well. I couldn't find my place on a typed or hand written sheet. Next I started writing one phrase for each major point or segment of the speech. I printed the phrase extra large. High liter colors and double line spacing were for easy reading. After a few speeches, I didn't have to look at my Note Sheet, but just having it gave me a confidence boost. If you have to read a speech, you can't have good eye contact with your audience. To me, reading a speech is a very poor method of delivery. However, holding note cards or a few sheets of notes and occasionally glancing at them is rarely noticed and doesn't distract from your delivery. Using the Toastmasters system allows us to improve our skills step by step. Each speech focuses one or two skills that we practice before an empathetic audience of fellow club members. After completing the first Toastmasters speech book, I opened a conference standing before 200 people that had paid to attend. That was a thrilling experience for someone a year earlier, if called on to speak before a group would have almost died.
Defeat FearWhat Causes Fear?In order to defeat an enemy such as Fear, it is helpful to understand it. When we understand what causes Fear, we are better able to Defeat it. Symptoms of FearAnxiety is distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: **She felt anxiety about speaking before the audience. This condition is also called"Stage Fright". It's a common condition felt to some degree by most people. The goal is to control the fear or anxiety. We can learn to control it rather than it controlling us. Make it work for us and not against us. What our mind perceives is interpreted as real by our bodies. When we perceive a dangerous or fearful situation, our bodies respond. That response is designed to prepare us for fight or flight. It pumps extra adrelin into our blood stream feeding our muscles with tremendous energy. If we were on a deserted street confronted by a potential mugger, the extra energy might be appropriate. During the period while waiting to speak, we get nervous because of the excess adrenalin. A method of burning off the adrenalin is to perform isometric exercises. This can easily be done while seated at a table and no one will know. I learned the isometric technique from Mitzi Gaynor and I believe she learned it from Yul Brynner who pushed against a wall back stage before a performance. You don't have to push against a wall. It works just as well by tensing your muscles and pushing one hand against the other. Having Confidence Controls Fear:I had a fear of forgetting what to say next. I originally wrote out my entire speech and kept it with me while speaking. That was no good because with the pressure of being in front of an audience, I got panicky and had difficulty finding my place among the small print. Next I started writing one phrase for each major point or segment of the speech. I printed the phrase extra large. High liter colors and double line spacing were for easy reading. That worked well for me. After a few speeches, I didn't have to look at my Note Sheet, but just having it gave me a confidence boost. Making a note sheet with just a phrase for a topic or important point was how I defeated the fear of not knowing what to say next. The Note Sheet allowed me to quickly scan the sheet and find the next point or paragraph. Refer to my example Later I learned to use a memory technique that is fool proof for remembering each point and sub point of a speech. It is the use of memory pegs. At first I used numbers, but later found that using place pegs work best for me. Know Your SubjectTalk about what you know. When you need to talk about an unfamiliar topic, do some research. . Practice, Practice and Practice your speech out loud. I go for a walk while practicing. At one time people may have thought that strange. Today people will just think you are talking on your wireless phone. During the period that I was learning to speak, I worked at a factory with a noise level that allowed me to walk through the factory practicing my speech our loud without being heard by others. For best results, a speech must be practiced out loud. Four complete practice sessions is the magic number for me. Using the memory pegs discussed below and practicing four times allows me to memorize a ten minute speech. How the memory pegs work.Our minds are much better at remembering visual scenes than it is at remembering words. That's why we easily remember someone's face, but it's more difficult to remember their name. At different times, I use pegs from work and pegs from home. Using the home pegs, I visualize walking from our bedroom to the back door. I create a vivid scene in each room. The events or topics of each point of the speech are visualized as taking place in one of the rooms. The more outrageous the scene, the easier it is to remember. The sequence of the speech follows the path from bedroom to back door. I have no difficulty remembering which room comes next so I have no difficulty remembering the next point or topic of the speech. For a longer speech, I use pegs from work or my drive to work. At work I can easily create twenty pegs. Having walked through that factory so many times, it is also easy to identify and remember the pegs. The same is true for my daily drive to work. First peg: Bedroom: I create a scene of me standing on the bed to deliver my opening remarks. The scene includes an object that reminds me of my topic. If I'm speaking about cars, I have a car in the bed room. Remember the more outlandish the scene, the easier it is to remember. Second peg: Landing between bedroom and stairs: Again I created a scene to represent the second point of my speech. Keep adding pegs with vivid scenes until you get to your ending. The scenes that I create would never actually occur in the location where I placed them.
Today I don't have to refer to the Note Sheet, but I still take it with me. It provides extra confidence. My SpeechesSuper Concentrated SunshineWhat do I mean, "Super Concentrated Sunshine"? The kind you find on a Florida beach? The kind that turns your skin red and causes it to peal? No! This is different. My wife Sammie and I have two children. You have heard people refer to babies as "bundles of joy". I'm sorry to say that I didn't think of babies as bundles of joy. They woke us up in the middle of the night and generally interfered with our social activities. But Sammie always loved babies. Every time she saw a baby, she wanted to hold it. A family in our church kept foster children. Each time they kept an infant, Sammie had to cuddle it. Foster parents were often called on to keep babies during the adoption process. Sammie decided that she wanted to be a foster parent. She would only care for infants for 3 or 4 months while adoptions were being processed. Sammie thought it would be wonderful to love and care for a baby occasionally. I wasn't thrilled with the idea. I had never cared for babies. People would say, "Oh how precious." I thought they were ugly. Keeping a baby didn't really appeal to me, but I went along with the idea. We applied to become foster parents. We took the physicals and they sent someone to investigate our home life. I arrived home one afternoon in early May. Sammie's eyes were sparkling and she had a huge smile. There it was, a two month old baby girl. She had the largest blue eyes that I have ever seen. We converted the study into a nursery for "Jackie". The study was next to our bedroom so we could hear her when she cried. Jackie was the subject of a custody dispute. She was placed in our care until a hearing was held for her case. Jackie had been with us for two months and I had hardly paid any attention to her. I came home from work one afternoon in July. Sammie was cooking dinner and Jackie was fretting. Sammie asked me to entertain Jackie while she finished dinner. I took Jackie out to see my garden. I placed her on my shoulders and held her hands while we looked at the corn, peas, tomatoes and okra. We also petted the cat and the dog. A bond was formed that day that will be treasured by me for as long as I live. That day she became not only Sammie's baby, she was my "big girl". After she learned to walk, I never went outside without her at my heals. She was such a joyful, loving little girl, so full of energy. She was my constant companion as I worked around the farm. Her case was postponed and rescheduled several times. I've known love from my wife, children, parents and friends, but I had not previously experienced the emotions associated with being idolized.
A poem comes to mind: When someone is modeling their lives after us, it gives us a huge responsibility. Jackie wasn't afraid to do anything. By the age of three, it was clear that she had the ability to become an Olympic gymnast. She was short and petique. She could climb a tree, swing on a rope and ride a horse. Jackie loved animals. They knew it and they loved her too. We had some cats at the barn so wild I couldn't get close to them, but Jackie could catch them and drag them around by squeezing their neck. They didn't bite or scratch her. She named her favorite cat, "Airport" and her dog "Screwdriver". My heart almost stopped one day when I missed her and found her in a stable with four horses. The animals just behaved differently around Jackie. When our children were small, I knew about a child that got lost at Disney World. I thought how can parents be so careless? That was before I knew Jackie. Early one morning, I heard a noise outside. I looked out of the window. There was three to four inches of snow on the ground and there was Jackie playing in the snow. No hat, no shoes, no gloves, just Jackie in her PJs. She loved the outdoors. I added extra locks, but she quickly learned to stand on a chair and open the door. I added a lock even higher up and she learned to open it using a broom handle. There are so many things she did that you wouldn't believe. When I scolded her, those big blue eyes would water, her lips would pucker and my heart would melt. One morning she sat down on the top of the vanity and watched me put shaving cream on my face and trim my beard. "What's that for", she asked. "To make me look handsome", I said... When I finished and washed my face, she remarked, "It didn't work did it!" About two months before her fourth birthday we were notified that her case was settled. She was to go live with her birth mother. Jackie couldn't understand what was taking place. How could we let someone else take her? We were the only parents that she knew. She was screaming when they puller her out of Sammie's arms and took her away. We have not seen or heard from her since that day. I am so glad I was able to feel her warmth and see her glow those four memorable years. Jackie was indeed Super Concentrated Sunshine. Epilog: After twenty years we did find Jackie again. While growing up, she had a difficult life, but she has become a lovely young lady with two children of her own. Note: This was an emotional speech that I had difficulty delivering without breaking down. I did have to pause once or twice to gain my composure. The pauses didn't distract from the speech. Since this was such an emotional speech for me I needed to add some humor. The story about me shaving was found in a book of humor. I regret that I don't remember the source. Most speeches are improved by adding humor and making yourself the target of the humor will get the most laughs. I took one sheet of notes to the lectern. I always take some notes with me, but often never need to refer to them. They are like a security blanket. I feel more secure with notes. In this case I did read the poem. I wish I could give credit for the poem, but again I don't remember the source. Example of how I make a Note Sheet:
SUPER CONCENTRATED SUNSHINEWHAT DO I MEAN?MY WIFE SAMMIE AND I HAVE TWO CHILDRENBUT SAMMIE ALWAYS LOVED BABIESI WASN'T THREALLED WITH THE IDEAI ARRIVE HOME ONE AFTERNOONJACKIE WAS SUBJECT OF CUSTIDY CASEBEEN WITH US TWO MONTHSAFTER SHE LEARNED TO WALKPOSTPONED - RESCHEDULEDI'VE KNOWN LOVEHER LITTLE ARMS CREP ROUND MY NECK AND I HEARD HER SAY SIMPLE WORDS I SHANT FORGET FOUR WORDS THAT MADE ME PRAY THEY TURNED A MIRROR ON MY SOUL ON SECRETS NO ONE KNEW; THAT STARTLED ME; I HEAR THEM YET SHE SAID "I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE YOU". As you can see, I used large caps, extra spacing and color separations to make each phrase stand out and quickly located in case I lost my place.
Speaking TipsOpeningPause a few seconds before uttering a word or making a motion. Acknowledge the presence of audience, special guest and VIPs. I usually start with a joke using myself as the butt of the joke. If we poke fun at others, someone is likely to be offended. If we poke fun at ourselves, no one will be offended. For solemn occasions, a quotation or poem can be substituted for a joke.
VoiceStart at a slow pace of about 90 words per minutes and later pick up the pace. Use short sentences. Alan Greenspan can get away with convoluted sentences, but few others can. Pause often. Let each pause last approximately two seconds. Use key words at the start of your sentences when possible. Replace the words "and", "um" and "you know" with a pause. State, qualify and restate, but don't repeat the same phrases unless you change the volume and tone of voice. Speak at 120 words per minute for major points and at 160 words for minor points. Over enunciate for clarity and inflection. Demonstrate emphasis by raising your voice or speaking softly. Both methods can be used effectively. Emphasize the end of a sentence. GesturesUse hands to pace yourself and establish a rhythm. Raise hands to place emphasize. Use open hand with palm toward your audience. (finger pointing should be avoided) Use both hands for more emphasis. Use hands and other gestures with purpose. Extend forearm or full arm for added emphasis. Keep hands still and off the lectern when not gesturing. Keep hands off hips and out of pockets. Some say keep hands clear of papers and pens. I disagree. Holding note cards, a speech outline or a laser pointer is ok. Use the free hand to gesture or lay objects down to gesture with both hands. Gesturing by waving sheets of paper will tend to be distracting to your audience. After you master your body language, you can train yourself to be aware of or read the body language of their audience. Eye contactLook directly at your audience, each in turn for about eight seconds each while speaking or pausing. If your audience is too large to look at each person, look at different sections of your audience so as to cover the entire room. Look and turn left, turn center and turn right so everyone feels included.
PostureAvoid swaying, leaning on or grasping the lectern. Stand erect with good posture. Dress should be appropriate for the occasion. Some say clothes make the speaker. I prefer to dress up rather than dress down. Step out from behind the lectern. Moving across the stage or through the audience can be effective, but pacing back and forth creates a distraction. When walking, move slowly and methodically with purpose to create drama.
Distractions.Smile and remove name tags or any reflective or otherwise distracting objects.ContentTell them what you are going to tell them. Tell them. Then tell them what you told them. Organize content around no more tan three major points. Let other content qualify or otherwise support the major points. Ask a rhetorical question and pause. Allow your audience to grasp the implications of your question and form their own answer. This technique gets your point across much more effectively than you giving them the answers. For upbeat and happy occasions, include humor. Use a quotation, poem or antidote. Include a prop. ClosingA talk or speech should be built up point by point to reach a climax Pause before closing. Close with a strong point! A point that your audience will remember. Summarize or call to action. Remain at the lectern until your host or introducer returns to take control. TimingStay within the time you are allowed.
The best speech is one where the ending is very near the beginning. A lot of practice is required for most people to master all of the Tips included here. Don't let that discourage you. "Rome wasn't built in a day." This is true for most worthy goals in life. Achievements that are difficult will be much more highly prized than the easy ones. Isometric ExercisesIsometric exercise or 'isometrics' are a type of exercise in which the muscle lengths do not change during contraction. Isometrics are done in static positions, rather than being dynamic through motions. The joint and muscle are either worked against an immovable force or are held in a static position while opposed by resistance.
Abdominal Isometric Exercise 1. Stand or sit tall and straight. 2. Breathe in and pull in the stomach. 3. Contract or tense your stomach muscles. 4. Breathe out for five to seven seconds. 5. Keep the stomach in tight and inhale. 6. Repeat ten times; do not relax the stomach until completely finished all ten repetitions. This page is linked to other pages about me and some of my other interest. We are not a business, but some ads may be displayed on this site to help with expenses. |